• Janele Hoerner

Living a Life of Mystery

My husband lives a day-shift life very different from my own. He manages a small group of guys during his working hours, though during his breaks he jokes, laughs, gets caught up on the news, and socializes with an array of different individuals. Some of those lead wonderfully humble lives, whereas others are stuck living amongst the world’s views with no care of the higher things of life. As the question come back to him about his family — well, things vastly change. You have HOW MANY children? Your wife stays at home? You’re happy with that?

Yes, it’s baffling, I must admit, but my husband goes to work and returns while I may go a week without even leaving our property line. I am living a life very different than even most stay-at-home moms, which can be very isolating and yet at the same time extremely refreshing. My children cannot easily be taken to a store, a play date, or an activity without a slew of precautions and a sensory toolkit in hand. Despite our largest trials, most days stepping into a car is just not a reality, so we stay home.

Under our roof our children are strong, stable, and minutely unaffected as our daily routine unfolds. I understand and implement how to make my children’s struggles a building block to accomplishment. I work tirelessly to give them the ability to thrive and although I adamantly stated that I would never set my alarm clock to wake before my children, the time slowly keeps getting earlier.

I must admit I am very detached from what goes on in the world, and although I would never want to trade places with my spouse, I often feel far removed from the world’s reality. Honestly, I feel it is not a terrible thing at all to be removed from such filth and yet sometime I crave to go out with friends too, just as we all do. Though those feelings leave quickly because I truly believe that if I would not have met my husband I may have well sought a quiet, contemplative type of life.

I am happily caught in a cycle of serving my own family, but because of that call of service I cannot extend my hands to help another outside of the family. I can pray and I do pray, but my obligations strongly outweigh my strength to reserve any of my energy to individuals outside of the immediate family. As a result, I feel strongly disconnected from the world around me. My children take all of my time and energy, and while that is okay I feel saddened at the amount of time I used to spend visiting family, caring for friends, and spending time with the elderly who are lonesome.

Family can state crippling claims that we, as stay at home mothers, are selfish because we only care about our own children and while that may seem true to an outsider, it is our job to pick up ourselves and state when enough is enough. God has gifted me with five children, two of which have a very consuming diagnosis, and that is my enough. I give them all I have when they are awake, I clean my house, cook homemade meals, and at the end of the day after their perfect little souls are tucked in, I rest.

It may seem that we are not contributing to societal roles or that our family is not a justified cause to give our all too, but at the end that is the world’s viewpoint, not God’s. One day we will release these children unto the world and their impact will be grand. Until then, we may live behind a mysterious curtain which perplexes society, but that quizzical question just might lead another to question enough to discover truly why we have chosen the life we have. The rest lies in God’s work, not our own. I am only a grain of sand along the entire ocean floor, and I am quite content to live

these waves.

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